in college once, while i was standing in line to order a much missed pasta dish, I overheard a joke between two guys. a white guy and a black guy. me a hispanic, stood in front of them. so the joke went something like this —-
“what do you get when you cross a black person and a mexican?”
“i don’t know. what?”
“a person too lazy to steal.”
hardy har har. now. this isn’t a racism blog in the least. the guy telling the joke did so just for a laugh. nothing political about it. it was just a dopey kid telling a joke. anyway. i found it a bit funny. i’m not sure if the other guy did. he just gave a kind of “ummph”.
but it has always gotten me thinking? are we, oh no, LAZY. and by we, i mean the hispanic population and well yeah, i’ll narrow it down to the mexican population.
Lazy.
what a bad bad word! almost like saying you’re criminal, you’re worthless, or god forbid, you’re stupid. lately though, and i am not trying to clump in all the rest of my mexican or mexican-american brethren into this, i have been feeling like i’m a lazy person. i’m not sure if someone put it in my head, or if I just came to terms with it, but I feel so, so lazy. i mean so lazy that i’m not even bothering to correct my abundant mechanical or grammar mistakes in this blog. (yes, i over use punctuation marks but i love them.)
Perhaps, I’m just harboring guilt.
I am a stay-at-home mom.
why can’t i say that? why can’t i proudly pronounce that without feeling as though it’s a cop out.
my brothers and i grew up with my mother. she raised us. back then, we didn’t know about daycares or nannies or even grandmas (well, we knew our grandmas but they weren’t our caretakers). my mother sacrificed her opportunity to go to nursing school to look after her brats. my father worked and supported the family. he was more than glad to have my mother care for us. I didn’t realize how lucky I was to have been able to be raised by my mother, I just thought that was normal.
We have now entered a new generation where everyone questions the fact that I don’t feel comfortable just leaving my daughter’s care into someone else’s hands. i guess it’s not necessarily the care. i know that there are reputable people and centers that are excellent caretakers, but well, i don’t just want my daughter to be cared for, i want her to be raised. of course, i want her to be raised the way i was and taught the same values and morals that i was. isn’t that the point of family? now, it’s easy to just say ‘well, put her in day care’, ‘well, find someone to care for her’. and listen. i’m not trying to go into a working mother vs. stay-at-home mother debate here. there are many many many different circumstances in life that force a mother to have to work. i’m not at all blaming anything on working mothers. not at all. (if anyone’s to blame it’s dead beat dads that never deserved the honor of a child in the first place, but that’s another issue).
all i’m saying is that i don’t want to be labeled as a lazy person because i have decided, at this moment in my life, to spend my days with my daughter. i don’t have anyone to help me with my child here, (i’ve recently relocated) and i don’t know what the child care system is like here. i’m sure it is excellent as this is a very family oriented community, but the truth is, i just need a little time to trust this city with the care of my daughter. that is all.
must i apologize? because after years of working towards my bachelors i am now jobless? i was asked by someone close to me why i even decided to go to college at all if I had no ambition of doing anything.
ambition! as if my life is near the end of its rope. as though i can’t raise my daugher for a few years then ‘DO’ something with my life. as though my life IS nothing at this point. anyway. i should end my blog here. i welcome your comments and experiences, i should probably be doing a job search right about now anyway!
